we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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