I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I believe in your delicious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
