I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it glows. i had to have it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
