the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
