ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
