you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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