What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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