ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
