a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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