he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
