If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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