Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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