btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
