the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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