It was confusing and full of hummus
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
