I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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