i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
