I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
