there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
