Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
