The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
