All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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