I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
