at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
