Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
