I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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