Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
