dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
