obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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