I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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