I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
