I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
