I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
