It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
