i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
