he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
