So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
