So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Green mimosas i think yes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
