clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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