Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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