puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
