and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
