I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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