I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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