I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
