Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
