and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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