Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
