We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
