that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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