I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
