He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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