Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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