Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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