We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
