The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
