today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
