idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
