I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
