I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
